Three words: puerto rican gang bang
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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