he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
