Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
