So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
