So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
