just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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