I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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