i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
