My girlfriend figured out who you are.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
