I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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