i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
