Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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