Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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