His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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