If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
