i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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