I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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