I want to walk on stilts...naked
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
