Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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