Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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