My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
