Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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