she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
