thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
