Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
