My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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