what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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