Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
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