I should be sponsored by Trojan
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
