you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
