we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
