Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
