With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
