as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
