hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
