The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I wish you could order shots online.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Randomize
