last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
