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• (818): View more from California

  Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...

  (714): View more from California

  Didn't you just get a DUI last week?

  (818): View more from California

  Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.

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• (716): View more from New York

  you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do

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• (262): View more from Wisconsin

  some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night

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• (904): View more from Florida

  Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?

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• (770): View more from Georgia

  He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.

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• (920): View more from Wisconsin

  I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me

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• (240): View more from Maryland

  He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.

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• (318): View more from Louisiana

  What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?

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• (970): View more from Colorado

  I have so many feelings about this burrito

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• (510): View more from California

  You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.

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• (949): View more from California

  We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death

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• (661): View more from California

  All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.

  (310): View more from California

  I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding

  (248): View more from Michigan

  And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand

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• (916): View more from California

  I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.

  (707): View more from California

  Which part?

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