We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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