if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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