went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
