How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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