the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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