the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
