is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
