Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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