How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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