Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
