Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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