i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
