I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
did you just send me my own nude
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I did not marry a roomba.
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