sorry about calling you the devil all night.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
