So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
My vagina is officially offended.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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