i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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