community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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