i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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