White coat. Heels.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
