i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Randomize
