i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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