Are we in a gay sports bar?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
it's not cheating when I paid for it
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize