why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
