I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
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