We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
