Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
