i just wanna soil my oats bro
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
