I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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