Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
