And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
