**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
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