What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Randomize
