dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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