he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
