I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
