omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
