dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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