so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Randomize
