My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
