We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Randomize
