god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize