i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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