Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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