Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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