I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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