I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
