I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
