so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
