god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
my shit smells like andre
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
