Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
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