I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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