I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
