I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
