If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
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